I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize