sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
