he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
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I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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