They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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