and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
