Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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