before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
