I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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