Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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