Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
