We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
