I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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