bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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