is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
