It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there is glitter all over my balls
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