I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
