My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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