apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
