THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
