you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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