worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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