You're completely useless in the revolution.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
