What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
