woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
