The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
