She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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