After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
