Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
