theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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