You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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