Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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