summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
