should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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