If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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