I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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