Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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