Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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