Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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