I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
