it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
