Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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