You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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