He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
