I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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