I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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