It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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