dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
