what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
