So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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