What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you win again, gameday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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