Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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