remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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