would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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