Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
