yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
