i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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