Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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