Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
