i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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