Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
