i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
