I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
