I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
