I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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