I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
worst night to have a conscience
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
