I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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