So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
