I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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