That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
