They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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