Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
