it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
