when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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