you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
