probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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