She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
