I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
