Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need a beard to bite.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
