what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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