We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
